Mensagem - just getting it off my chest

 just getting it off my chest.. of today.
I'm not looking for a woman, man or any type of person or animal. So I won't be upset if no friend likes it or doesn't like it.
My life ended a long time ago, today I'm alive because I have some things to do that I call missions. Like taking care of my elderly mother who had cancer, carrying grocery bags. Visiting my father who does everything to get ahead, as he is a successful man, who has a wife and is retired. We get emotional when we see it. I love that guy so much. I have my younger sister who I try to help, as well as my nephew who is still a small child of less than three years old who is at school.
Today all I care about is being electric with my “Methylphenidate”, energy drinks, soft drinks and other things that are going to kill me soon, even more so because I use high doses, the kind where I have to use “Diazepam” or “Bromazepam” to keep from going crazy. .
The voices I have in my head say they're going to drive me crazy, what can I do, reduce the psychotic ante and I stopped my treatment with a psychiatrist because I couldn't stand being high any longer.
I owe a death to those that the spirits call enemies from other lives, but not before my parents left. I never accepted this disease, in the 2000s I used “Femproporex” a lot, I masturbated, provoking a total of more than 1,000 women of all ages over 18, up to eight times a day. I almost forget to talk about two or three years before that with: “Deca 50mg”, “Deca 200mg”(Greek), “Durateston”, “Spanish and Brazilian Winstrol” and a lot of “Hemogenim”. My arms tore, from 80kg I went to 120kg in 4 months. I picked up 70kg on each side of the bar in the bench press. 22kg in alternating biceps. I was called for an evaluation to compete in the Olympics, for telling everyone that I was natural. Anyway, there were women who stopped to watch me work out my biceps with 80kg on the machine, which was the same weight that a certain Chuck Norris would lift, even though he was bigger than me.
After I had to stop because of the huge, wide stretch marks that appeared on my arms, after I “withered”, the women who stopped to greet me and watch me work out disappeared as if nothing had happened. This is how I discovered that real friends don't exist. Today I have some friends and about three friends. But we hardly spoke. So I live to be dazzled by this loneliness that will one day consume me.
I'm not pretty, I'm poor, I'm ugly, I'm Caucasian, with straight, long hair, my rock 'n roll style is still valid. Despite being old.
Now watching the series: “VisaVis”, on Netflix, season 5: “El Oasis”. I have peace of mind and I write here for those of you who are still reading.
Anyway, where are the people I recovered their Orkut, MSN, ICQ, etc. accounts from? They disappeared without even thanking me. Maybe years of study and the most difficult care not to make mistakes were not easy. Bunch of ungrateful and disgraceful people, if nowadays it wasn't a crime I don't even know what I would do, but as I don't want to go to prison, I won't do anything.
I ask you not to be impressed by my text, it was just an outburst. Until later.
Rodrigo Klein Mariano Canto
25/03/2024